One night, doom scrolling through TikTok, I came across a video of a young woman videoing her normal daily life with the heading ,‘You’ve accepted that you’re no one’s favourite friend’. I looked over at the caption and here’s what it said: “I’ve always been a floater friend. I really do wish I had a best friend that I could’ve enjoyed ‘girlhood’ with and go out on coffee dates, shopping trips etc but I guess I wasn’t part of the chosen ones.” I thought, why do I relate to this so much?
One morning, during Glamour UK‘s morning meeting, I brought this up with the team and wow did it seem to hit a nerve with people in the office. I never thought this would resonate with so many of us.
So what exactly is a ‘floater friend’? Being the floater friend, you are a part of lots of different friendship groups but are never the core friend in these groups. You’re not invited to everything they do, perhaps you feel like the filler friend if another core member can’t attend a meet up or maybe you’re single and feel like the token single friend at Friday night drinks. If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone, many people seem themselves as the floater friend.
Here, four people share their experiences and interpretations of the social concept.
Floater Friend #1
I’ve always felt like I’m constantly flitting between groups, seeing different friends every day of the week. So why do I often feel like I’m missing out on something? It might not make sense from the outside because I constantly have plans, though I can’t help but feel as though I’m missing out on that core, close-knit bond.
It’s not to say that I haven’t had ‘best friends’ in my life because I have, they’ve just always fizzled because I’ve felt myself being replaced and not wanted to seem clingy or feel like I need to push my way back in to that friendship.
While it’s a joy having such a broad range of people in my life and I’ve definitely chosen to prioritise seeing a variety of different people, lurking in the back of my mind I can’t help but feel I’m a little out of place. Something will get mentioned that I wasn’t at, some reference will be made that doesn’t resonate, or when making new plans I can’t help but feel like I’m an afterthought. Am I the add-on? The part that doesn’t quite fit?
Over the years I’ve grappled with this a lot, but what I’ve found most validating of all is learning the term ‘floater friend’. Being a floater friend can naturally feel a little isolating, so knowing that this is a very common experience is incredibly comforting. Likewise, I have to remind myself that the reason I feel like a floater is because I’ve got so many friends I’ve connected with.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned to give less energy to the friendships that don’t make me feel good about myself and it’s been so liberating. I also love meeting up with friends one-on-one because it feels like I get a chance to catch up with that person properly and there’s no group dynamics to contend with.
