You’ve said you felt blindsided in that moment, but do you still feel that way as you’ve watched the season unfold?
I see him being overwhelmed by me in a way that I didn’t see in person. So I think I’m less blindsided in that sense. But otherwise, no, because those conversations never felt like the end of us. They just felt like, you have your opinion about this, I have my opinion about this.
Looking back a year later, where I’m in a different space in my life and headspace, I was trying to make a lot of concessions. I wanted to be with him, and I wanted it to work so bad that I was willing to be like, “Okay, you’re making me feel bad about my career but we can get past that.” And now I’m like, Dude, no.
Do you think he’s the feminist he thinks he is?
I don’t know…I don’t think he’s as feminist as he thinks he is, no. Because I think he is a lot more selfish than he realizes and I just don’t think he’s aware of it.
I think he is a good person. I just don’t think he realizes how he comes across. He’s like, “I hear what you’re saying, but I don’t really care,” because no matter how feminist a man is going to be, he’s still going to have a blind spot because he’s a man at the end of the day.
He did seem to talk down to you throughout the season.
Yeah, I agree with that perspective. As I watch it, I’m like, God, Marissa, he’s not listening to anything you’re saying. He’s like, “No one put a gun to your head when you joined [the military],” and I was like, “Did you not hear anything I just said?”
There is a moral superiority that comes into play in our conversations, where it’s like, okay, I don’t have a degree, I don’t have this, I don’t have that, but I am more progressive than you, and I care more about the world than you, so therefore I’m gonna say it in small ways to make you feel that way. At the time, I didn’t really notice it, but I see it now. And I already have my sister being my progressive awakening. I don’t need yours.
Can we talk about your mom for a second? What do you have to say about your relationship?
First off, she needs therapy, as I said on camera. I think my mom and I have a very interesting relationship, because she was 17 or 18 when she had me. I know from therapy that a lot of my people-pleasing tendencies come from my mom trying to mold me to not fall on the same path as her.
I think people just need to be a little bit more kind. Being a parent is hard and she’s not perfect, and she has a lot of work to do on herself. But that doesn’t mean she freaking hates her children because she called me a bitch on TV. It’s crazy, people are like, “Oh my God, I would never call someone out of their name.” We all have, come on.
